


on learning and where to find happiness

by jasperdillon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderqueer Character, Mentions of Death, Multi, Stylistically Lowercase, Vague Mentions of Child Abuse, but like in a sweet way, genderqueer tonks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5921119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasperdillon/pseuds/jasperdillon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and here tonks learns they are happy</p>
            </blockquote>





	on learning and where to find happiness

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in march of 2015 when i was sorting out some gendery things of my own so it's kind of personal. 
> 
> see end notes for more details about warnings

at age eleven she learns a lot of things about herself 

she learns that hufflepuffs are truly extraordinary people to have on your side and that the fire in the common room is always cozy and that Saturday Sleepovers are the best 

she learns that she hates the name nymphadora and much rather prefers tonks over anything 

she learns that she prefers her hair short and bright and colorful 

at age twelve she learns that she hates being a girl and that periods suck and everything would be easier if she had been a boy they don't have to deal with this why should she it's not fair it's not fair at all 

she also learns that while being a girl sucks, girls in general do not and that octavia jones is the prettiest girl she has ever seen and is kind of in love with her for a majority of second year 

at age thirteen she learns that the shorter she makes her hair the more comfortable she is,

learns that she is truly terrible at divination and that she broke three crystal balls within a span of an hour 

she also learns that while she isn't particularly fond of playing quidditch she loves flying , loves the freedom and the way her stomach drops out of body when she does loops and how when she lands she shaky but in all the best ways and she loves it 

at age fourteen she learns that she really loves girls and that arianell rhys is someone she would like to hold hands with for forever 

she also learns that metamorphmagi can do lots more than change appearances because that one morning she wakes up with different parts down there is a shocker 

she also learns that while it was shocking, it felt right being there and she spends a very long time being confused 

at age fifteen she learns from nick forester that she doesn't always have to be a girl and that it's not that scary and she learns about things like the difference between sex and gender and that she is one of the lucky ones being able to change her appearance and whatnot 

she also learns that her mother doesn't really understand that difference between sex and gender and that her, she'll always be nymphadora and it hurts 

she also learns that arianell rhys would also like to hold her hand and that having a girlfriend is a nice feeling 

she also learns that OWLs are stressful for everyone involved 

at age sixteen they learn that the world is at their fingertips and that they don't have to be a girl if they don't want to 

learning this feels the same as when they fly and land and that shaky but in a good way feeling returns 

they also learn that their mother will always call them nymphadora and it hurts 

they also learn that not everyone is as accepting as nick forester and the rest of the hufflepuff house 

they also learn that punching people hurts and that next time someone says anything to them they are going to pull out their wand and jab it in their eye instead of breaking a knuckle 

at age seventeen they learn that they really want to join the auror academy and that fighting bad guys seems like the thrill seeking job they have been looking for their entire life 

they also meet charlie weasley in the library and learn lots of stuff about dragons and that some people don't feel love and attraction and lust like they do 

they learn that it's fascinating that so many things makes up a person and for everyone it's different 

and from this they learn that while charlie weasley will never love them like they probably love him, that he is wonderful and a truly marvelous friend 

at age eighteen they enter the extensive training program at the auror academy 

they learn that at this place last names are the only thing people go by and that they'll never have to hear the dreadful name nymphadora while they're employed 

they also learn that their muggle side of the family is wonderful and accepting and it makes them feel like they are floating 

at age nineteen they learn that the world is dangerous and it's changing and something doesn't feel right and like the air is tinged with electricity 

they also learn that harry potter is a bright young boy and while they've never met him personally, they worry he's much to small of an eleven year old and about the fact that he jumps when someone gets angry 

they learn not take these queries to dumbledore because he will overlook them because the safest place for the boy is with his aunt and uncle, his blood 

so they learn fade into the background and just do their job and very decidedly do not worry about underfed kid saviours of the wizarding world 

at age twenty they learn that dumbledore thinks voldemort will be returning soon 

they learn from arabella figg that harry's conditions are worse than appeared and yet no one does anything 

they learn that dumbledore is slowly trying to piece the order back together but harry's health and well being is not one if his primary concerns 

and they learn that this pains them 

at age twenty one they learn their cousin has escaped from azkaban and that he is after harry 

they also learn that the new defense against the dark arts teacher at hogwarts is a werewolf and he's the nicest man they have ever met 

they also learn that they never really out grew their habit of falling in love too quick 

at age twenty two they learn that the triward tournament was probably not a good idea 

they also learn that sirius black was very much innocent 

they also learn that voldemort has returned and everything begins looking down 

they learn that even when the world is dark some people find ways of making it brighter 

at age twenty three they learn that it hurts losing family even if they never really knew them 

they also learn that sirius black should have had a longer life a brighter one, one not dampened by prison or losing his friends and it's not fair for anybody 

they also learn that they have difficulty using their abilities when sad so they spend a lot if that summer with limp brown hair and eyes that always look sad 

at age twenty four they learn to come out and to tell others things 

they learn that their mother will in fact call them tonks and not use the name nymphadora and that their father will ruffle their hair and kiss their forehead and tell them he is proud 

they learn that the feeling of being accepted is better than flying 

they learn that loving someone and being loved back is a wonderful feeling and that they never want it to end 

they learn that they will be a parent and even though voldemort continues to gain power again they're life is finally looking up 

at age twenty five they learn their child is beautiful and a metamorphmagus and he is the light of their entire world 

they learn that their life with their baby and remus is amazing and happy and even when the world is in shambles their life is happy and full of flowers and their quaint little cottage 

they learn that being a parent is rewarding and being married is just as 

they learn that fighting for something they believe in is easy 

they learn that dying is even easier 

they learn the afterlife is happy and that so many people have been waiting to meet them 

they learn to accept having to leave teddy behind and they watch him grow 

they learn lots of things being dead 

they learn that things go on 

that their son grows up to be an extraordinary ravenclaw and that he decides to be a professor 

they learn that harry grows to be happy and watches as ginny helps him 

they learn that the marauders are a right laugh and remus looks younger than ever here, wherever they happen to be 

they learn that happiness is found where least expected 

and here tonks learns they are happy

**Author's Note:**

> the child abuse is for mentions of harry and how the dursleys treated him
> 
> the character death is tonks's, and other canon deaths 
> 
> -
> 
> if you ever want to scream about genderqueer tonks talk to me on tumblr at witchboyaesthetic


End file.
